I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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