it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
