Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
