I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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