So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
