did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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