my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
