You smell like stripper and shame
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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