A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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