Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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