if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
