Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
