fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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