So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
