HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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