Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
