walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
