I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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