So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
