I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
