Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
