3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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