i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she pinky promised me she was 18
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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