Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
its not stalking. its research.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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