Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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