"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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