I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
