I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
