Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
