FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She swung at the pinata with crutches
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
