You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
