what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
