If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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