I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
