i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
