I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
