When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
