god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dating After Heartbreak
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.