I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.