I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?