Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.