TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure