so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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