I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
