dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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