**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
They are going to name an STD after you.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
