The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
