Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
