No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
