so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
