If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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