I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
