just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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