I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
