In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
