3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
