I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
