What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
