Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
