People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
