I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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