If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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