hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
