David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My dick has a subreddit
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
