when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
