Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
