thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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