i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
