Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize