you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
