My first STD was from a foam party
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
