New low: just hacked my moms facebook
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
