i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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