I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
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