My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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