I think i peed on brittanys purse
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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