Who wears a wallet chain?!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
