True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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