I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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