it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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