ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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