Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
